Back in 2016, I wrote a post about the top three creepiest dungeons in The Legend of Zelda.  While my list is indeed a pretty accurate look at spooky dungeons spanning from A Link to the Past on the SNES through to Twilight Princess on the GameCube/Wii, I had overlooked one top contender…and now you’re going to get creeped out by it with me, okay?  Right this way, right this way.  Allow me to give you a little background info…and then a tour.  You won’t regret it!  I-I promise!

The Backrooms horror series on Youtube has taught me a lot about the creep factor of liminal spaces.  Not only would it be terrifying to be trapped in an endless labyrinth with no way of escape, but the way the Backrooms is comprised of a twisted version of common places we’ve all visited or, at the very least, seen in photos, is very eerie, to say the least.  In case you’re unfamiliar, liminal spaces are man-made places that are empty.  A house with no one to call it home, a play place devoid of children, an office space after everyone’s gone home for the day.  Such places should be inhabited, and so, when they’re not, it’s creepy.  And when these places are just familiar enough to recognize, but have a layout that makes no logical sense, that makes for a doubly creepy feel.  When done well, Backrooms videos can be deeply unsettling with no need to add monsters into the mix.

And that’s where the Forest Temple from Ocarina of Time comes in.  I always found this place creepy as a duckling.  But it wasn’t until I learned about the Backrooms that I understood why.  Because this place is liminal to the max.  (And don’t even get me started on that music!  Shudder, I can’t help but feel as if I can hear voices…just underneath the music.  It’s…probably all in my head…right?)  Unlike all the other dungeons in the game, the Forest Temple resembles a giant, abandoned manor of sorts.  And to make matters worse, it’s also haunted!  Wee!

To start, this place can be found in the Lost Woods, which is…already odd.  I mean, aside from the Kokiri, no one is safe in this place.  Kids who get lost turn into Skull Kids, and adults turn into Stalfos.  So how did someone manage to build a mansion here and actually reside here?  Okay, okay, maybe they knew their way around, so they didn’t get lost.  So therefore, they didn’t fall victim to the Lost Woods’ curse?  That could be a logical explanation, I suppose.  Still, the most important thing to consider in real estate is location.  And I wouldn’t want to live here.  Then again, maybe the price is good, and in today’s economy…

All joking aside, this is a decidedly creepy place to live.  Or maybe…the Lost Woods was just an ordinary, unassuming forest, and the Forest Temple is what made it the place we all know today…  But that’s just a theory.  A gam-

If I haven’t scared you off quite yet, and you still want to do some urban exploring here, then let’s introduce you to the grand entrance.  Nestled in the deepest spot in the Lost Woods, you’ll encounter a looming and stately stone structure with half of a staircase all that remains of the path inside.  But surely you brought a hookshot with you to latch onto the tree above and pull yourself up, right?

You did?  That’s…weir-I-I mean, that’s good!  Great!  Boy, are you prepared!

As, um…”inviting” as the main entrance is, the Forest Temple feels as if it actually has two entrances, the second being totally indoors, which is very, very…normal.  I mean, it’s got two great pillars on either side, so that’s an entrance if I ever saw one!  (It also makes for a great mudroom…am I trying to sell this place now?)  Ahem, joining most major rooms is a hallway, complete with red carpet (all the better to hide the…stains…the red stains), though you might want to tread with care, as the spiders can get pretty big in this place, and they do NOT like visitors.  Like, not.  At all.

The central room was clearly built to impress.  It’s huge.  The ceiling is so high it’s obscured by shadows.  And…um, did I mention the ghosts?  I mean, I guess I did.  I did say the place was haunted, didn’t I?  (It’s also sold “as is”, so don’t even ask for a home inspection or about the safety of the elevator that leads into the basement!)  Ahem, okay, yes, don’t be alarmed.  It’s no big deal.  Because I have good news.  And bad news.  This place…has ghosts, yes.  That’s the bad news.  But on the bright side, there are only…four of them.  Four sisters, in fact, who no doubt resided in this place Hylia knows how long ago.  I bet they didn’t even meet gruesome ends!

Are they a bit mischievous?  Oh, yes!  Will you hear their spectral cackles in the middle of the night when you walk down an unnaturally twisting corridor on your way to the bathroom?  I’d say there’s a good chance.  But if I was a ghost, I think I’d want to have a bit of fun in the afterlife, too.  So don’t judge them too harshly.  It’s fine if they decide to appear behind you when you look in the mirror.  They also appear in portraits, too!  Just be grateful you managed to even reach the bathroom without wetting your pan…

Oh.  You didn’t make it in time.  That’s okay, that’s okay.  Um…I’m not sure the plumbing is even working anymore, but the…estate, yes, the estate actually boasts not one, but two, courtyards connected by a well!  There’s even a neat, little pond, so you can wash up there if you’re so inclined…just don’t get too close to me…

No, you don’t smell.  I didn’t say that.

There’s just one last thing I want to mention before our tour ends, and you make an offer on this fine manor.  And before you say it’s a dealbreaker, just go into it with an open mind.  And remember that price.  That many bedrooms and bathrooms, with that much square feet?  In this economy!  Ha, you almost can’t afford not to purchase this lovely home!  Why, I feel kind of ripped off even selling it to you at such a low price!

Okay, so brace yourself.  He’s in the basement, so he probably won’t wander upstairs.  Too often.  We have a wonderful and cozy little art gallery downstairs.  Nothing too fancy.  In fact, all the paintings are of the same winding forest path with an identical towering structure in the background.  The only caveat is…you see…before you run out of here screaming, just ask yourself this…why would I not want the phantom of the supreme king of evil haunting my basemen…

You see, you’re doing it.  That thing I just told you not to do.  Running.  And screaming.  You are going to irritate the Poe sisters.  Or, if anything, draw the attention of one of the dismembered hands that likes to run around on the ceiling-

No, I don’t have to disclose that kind of thing to you!  That only applies to rodents and lead paint!

Sigh…okay.  That’s fine.  You aren’t my first potential buyer this week, and you won’t be my last.  Just…don’t leave me alone here, okay?  I can hear them again.  The…the voices.  Unnatural whooping and hollering in the distance that I can’t help but feel is coming from just around the corner.  And I…I just know that…whatever it is…it’s getting closer.  It’s okay.  Liminal spaces are creepy at first, but this place just needs some new furniture.  A fresh coat of paint.  And all will be…my shadow’s getting bigger.

Ha…ha ha…that’s not my shadow, is i-

Banner image is official Nintendo artwork