Warning: Animal Crossing May Increase Your Blood Pressure

Maybe I’m the only one here who feels this way.  Maybe what I’m about to say is completely out there, and my sanity should be seriously questioned.  But I’ve been thinking long and hard about something lately, and I have come to the conclusion that Animal Crossing might just possibly be one of the cruelest series ever made.

Okay, I hear you all out there, looking at each other in confusion.  Yes, I can hear the noise made by mere glances.  Ducks have good hearing, doncha know.  And I also hear you saying, but Duck, Animal Crossing is the nicest game known to mankind.  All you do is relax and have fun.  And befriend cute animals.  And decorate your house with all manner of wonderful things.  And I agree, on the surface, Animal Crossing looks nice.  There are no battles to be fought.  No violence.  Nothing objectionable of any kind.

And yet, I still must insist, no other series of games feels as harsh as the deceptively sweet Animal Crossing.  Before you cautiously back away from me, hear me out.  To start off, rarely have I found a game so reluctant to give the player any sort of reward.  Fossils and gyroids, for example, appear extremely infrequently, and after years of playing the occasional bouts of City Folk, I have yet to get every gyroid.  On the rare occasion I do find one, it’s a repeat.  Oh, another mega howloid.  What fun.  And then, whenever I get paintings, almost every single one is a forgery.  I mean, seriously, cut me some slack, Blathers.  The last ten paintings I’ve given you have been fakes, I know, but isn’t a fake painting better than no painting at all?  Right?  …No?  I see.  Considering I have, for some reason, been given the burden of providing every single exhibit in this museum, perhaps you’d like to rethink your analysis of my painting.  Hmm?

Okay, not convinced yet?  Well, what about this?  The grass.  Yes, the grass.  Once it’s gone, it’s gone.  Forever.  In nature, grass grows back.  That’s kind of how plants work.  But not in Animal Crossing.  A large section of my town is now a nice shade of lovely brown, and no amount of repentance can help me now.  At this point in time, I’m not allowed to run anywhere for fear of losing what little greenery I have left.  And speaking of greenery, my town had a D ranking in terms of the number of trees.  So I planted a few, checking in with the Town Hall from time to time.  No change.  Until one day, oh by the way, you now have a D because your town has too many trees.  Well, thank you, it’s good to know I can do no right.  Forget it, why don’t I just reduce the town to a barren wasteland, hmm?  All my grass is gone anyway.  Nook, sell me an axe, I’ve got work to do!

Okay, I didn’t actually do that because trees are the future and stuff.  Wait a minute…

Need I go on?  Yes?  I’d love to.  As if that wasn’t enough, isn’t it fun taking a walk at night, just relaxing, enjoying the stars overhead.  And then, you spot something large and dark.  What, you don’t see it?  Just over there, beside that tree.  Maybe we should…oh, crap, it’s spotted me!  Run for your life!  Maybe this series has no battles, but boy is it a terrifying experience when you get chased down by a scorpion or tarantula.  And these things are unnaturally fast.  I was once chased for literally several minutes straight around town.  I finally got caught when I accidentally bumped into a tree.  Blasted trees, I show you mercy, and this is how you repay me!  You know what, Nook, you still have that axe in stock?

And speaking of trees, if you shake them, a decent percentage of the time, bees come out.  If you’ve ever thought your town in Animal Crossing was a nice, safe place to live, think again.

And do you know what’s the worst thing of all?  Fishing.  That’s right, fishing in Animal Crossing sucks if you, I don’t know, actually want to get the good, valuable fish and don’t want to keep catching yet another sea bass.  I mean, in City Folk, the game even acknowledges that this fish is caught far too often.  They know what they’re doing.  Nintendo can claim no ignorance for their actions.  “Not you again”.  The confession is right there in plain ink.  Err, sans-serif.  I rest my case.

Again, like the fossils, rare fish are few and far between.  I can literally play every day for weeks on end and not spot a large fish even once.  And then, when I do, trying to catch it is a stressful affair because, you know, you’re sitting there, watching it nibble at your line.  Your heart is pounding at the first rare fish sighting in a month.  And then, the awaited moment arrives.  It bites.  You press the button, your reflexes honed to that of a ninja cyborg after months of attempting to catch this very same specimen.  You swore you did it as quickly as is possible for mere humanity.  And the fish gets away.

There’s nothing like losing the one rare fish in a thousand to reduce one to an animalistic rage.  You tell me, is there any other game in existence that is as utterly unfair and obscenely unforgiving as Animal Crossing?  If you have any games that send you into a fury, and I’m sure we all do, please let me know in the comments.  I’m going to go count to ten now.

Furthermore, Why Aren’t the Ducks in This Game Very Cute?

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Hatm0nster says:

    Now that you mention it, Animal Crossing really is mean isn’t it? It got little better in New Leaf, but still. Never really thought about it, but the RNG in this game really is terrible isn’t it? It would explain why I’ve NEVER been able to finish a fossil exhibit in my museum in ANY Animal Crossing game.

    As for other rage inducing games…I’d have to say Mario Party. Mario Party sessions always get SUPER intense. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. duckofindeed says:

      It shouldn’t take several years to…well, not complete everything in a game. You’d think that in all that time, everything would have been obtained, but no. And several years from now, I’m sure I’ll still be missing many things.

      And I agree, Mario Party definitely can make me angry, as well. I only have Mario Party 3, but I don’t think I could stand trying another game in the series. I just remember times when I was doing way better than everyone else, and then one tiny thing would happen, and somehow I’d end up losing. And of course, the AI characters always knew to pick me for every single negative event in the game. Every. Time. I don’t think my blood pressure can take it.

      Like

  2. Mr. Panda says:

    I admit to getting upset over this game too. When animals leave and new villagers build houses over your stuff, when you accidentally run over a flower, when you miss out on that bug/fish… Animal Crossing is more rage-inducing than some would think, haha.

    Like

    1. duckofindeed says:

      Oh yeah, and then when anyone moves away, they leave a big, dirt patch where their house used to be. There seriously should be a way to get the grass back. You can always put down those squares that look like grass, but then you can’t see fossils anymore. It’s an impossible situation I put more thought into than is normal, I think.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Shell Games says:

    I don’t find it mean so much as I find it overwhelming to think about. Even though it’s such a simple little game, the expectation that I’ll check it each day, and talk to people, sell things, water stuff… Lots of pressure. And If I just want to pick it up occasionally? WEEDS EVERYWHERE. GOODBYE ANIMAL FRIENDS.

    Like

    1. duckofindeed says:

      That’s definitely true. Right now, I’m getting bored of Animal Crossing and would like to take a break from it, but I recently put so much work into this big flower path, so I feel obligated to play everyday and water my plants even when I don’t want to anymore. But I just can’t let all my hard work go to waste! And then yeah, there are weeds, and I don’t want my favorite animals to move, and then my hair will get messed up, and my house will get cockroaches. I’m trapped.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shell Games says:

        The most sinister part of it is… They don’t make money off of you playing more. THEY JUST DID IT FOR KICKS.

        Like

  4. Matt says:

    That was quite a compelling argument you built there. The forged paintings drove me so mad I eventually had to resort to an online guide in order to stop buying fake ones.

    I know that’s cheating and drains the fun out of the whole painting collection, but I wanted to fill up my museum really badly!!

    Like

    1. duckofindeed says:

      Fake paintings are so annoying. I just looked up how to spot fake paintings, and it’s a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Yikes. Every time I am about to buy a painting, I’ll need to check out a guide first so I stop wasting my money. Or just never buy a painting ever again. Nearly every single one is fake anyway, grr… The quick way to spot a fake painting in Animal Crossing…if it exists, it is fake.

      Like

Add to the Discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s