I think it’s time that I finally come clean over one of my most aggressive hang-ups when playing video games, specifically large-scale (open world or not), narrative RPGs (from Elder Scrolls to Fallout to Dragon Age, and everything in between). I frequently profess that my first go-round in any such game is less than stellar. These experiences fall short of my expectations, and make me question what business I have playing these games in the first place. Then, after some amount of time, I replay these same games, and voila! We (sometimes) become best friends, the experiences are brilliant and engaging, and I suddenly profess apologies and praise all at once. I think you can see the hand that I’m playing here, because I’ve come to realize that there is a singular reason as to why this happens. When it comes to RPGs, the “R” and the “P” are paramount to a fault. I cannot help but want to role play no matter how unfamiliar I am with the territory, and the results never live up to what I think should happen.

Believe me, it’s happened time and again. Skyrim, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Fallout 4, Divinity: Original Sin 2, Neverwinter Nights, Greedfall, The Witcher 3, Cyberpunk 2077, Starfield. These are just some of the games that I started and then stopped because I began then with the “I MUST role play” mindset, rather than a much more agreeable, “let’s explore this new world and have fun” standpoint. My stubbornness got in the way each and every time. And now, with a few exceptions on the list, I count these games as favorites, ones that I’ll keep replaying for as long as I’m playing games. The difference is that now I understand how to role play in each game. In this case, knowing isn’t just half the battle, it’s the entire skirmish from start to finish!

Imagine picking up a brand new book and developing its entire story in your mind after reading just its synopsis. Yeah…that’s my problem. It didn’t used to be that way. In the pre-Mass Effect days, I relished the rich worlds of Final Fantasy and Fable, enjoying the games for what they were rather than what I wanted them to be. I’ll admit that something switched on, or maybe off, when I first played Mass Effect. We sometimes talk here about the choice to insert ourselves into our self-made characters, and there was a time when I’d say, oh I never do that; all my characters are unique! But are they? When I think back on my first Mass Effect playthrough, I had no clue what I was doing. I didn’t know the game’s universe or the outcomes of paragon vs. renegade choices. I simply took it all in, watching and, more importantly, learning. The choices I made then were based solely on what I thought was the appropriate response in any given situation. Sometimes, things played out as I expected, but many time they didn’t. Those moments of “failure” were key in helping me build a path to roleplaying future Commander Shepards. I didn’t force myself to be good, bad, or other; I took what I learned and shaped it into a format that I still use today when playing the game.

In hindsight, my infatuation with Mass Effect is probably why I began focusing heavily on roleplaying at the start of any new adventure. Skyrim is when things first fell apart. I didn’t know anything about the Elder Scrolls series, and instead of watching and learning, I began the experience with only a roleplay goal in mind. And what did I do? I abandoned my Imperial soldier because I had so much trouble connecting the dots between what I thought her story should be and the game’s actual narrative. Coming back to the game for a second time, I started fresh, both in mind and with a new character. The experience was completely different, and very successful, but it was both because I did learn some things from that first playthough, and because I went in with a fresh and much more open mindset.

It goes without saying this is one of the reasons why I struggled with Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Though, I cannot state strongly enough that Rook is, far and away, the best protagonist of any Dragon Age game. My dwarven warrior was perfect, and his dialogue was top notch. Roleplaying as him was actually quite easy from the start, and yet, it also felt a little too perfect. Unlike in previously DA titles, even seeming disagreeable options resulting in generally agreeable outcomes. Maybe I missed some cues, but emotions among Rook’s companions never ran very high, even in the worst of times. No doubt I’m going to play Veilguard again at some point, and if I just let go of my preconceptions, I’ll probably have a much better time.

I’ll end with a note on how this also relates to Avowed. One of its interesting features is that, at the start, players are able to choose from five different background for their envoys. Having no clue how these affected the game, I went with the mysterious and mystical-sounding “court augur” choice. This immediately set forth a path for roleplaying, which seemed nifty…at first. As it turned out, these backgrounds affected one’s stats, starting weapons, and eventually, conversations, with background-specific dialogue choices appearing on occasion. For a while, I always selected my envoy’s “court augur” dialogue choice whenever it appears, thinking I was bolstering her personality. Instead, the opposite happened, because, for one, a weird conflict brewed in my head about the character I was seeing and the words she was saying. Second, the responses I received to the “court augur” dialogue were bizarrely vague and muddled, with most characters ignoring or making fun of my mystical mumbo jumbo before offering their opinions. It was all so off-putting, I considering setting the game aside…just like I had with some many other RPGs before it. Instead, I switched gears from forcing roleplaying to letting my character breath. I stopping always selecting background-specific dialogue and began picking whatever response felt okay for my envoy in the moment. I’m now letting the game happen rather than trying to steer it in ways it won’t go. Things are going much better, and I feel much more connected to my envoy, as well.

Lede image was captured by author during Xbox Series S gameplay of Avowed (© Obsidian Entertainment).