Silly Scoundrels: Bob the Killer Goldfish

When it comes to water-based wildlife, there are plenty of dangerous creatures from which to choose. Sharks jump first to mind, though some can be meaner than others. Jellyfish, while mesmerizing to a degree, should almost always be avoided. And it’s generally best to clear out of the paths of stingrays. Way, way, way down at the bottom of the list, if they are on the list at all, are goldfish. While truly wild goldfish do exist and are more pest than predator, the term mostly brings to mind the small, colorful, and sometimes bulbous fish that tend hang out in household tanks and bowls. These fish can be very friendly and certainly don’t want to go on mad rampages to take over the world. However, that’s exactly the what Bob the Killer Goldfish of Earthworm Jim fame wants to do; so apparently, he diverged from the goldfish evolutionary tree at some point…maybe.

Bob the Killer Goldfish and one of his henchmen. (source)

The Earthworm Jim series, both in gaming and television, was known for its comedic take on ye olde tale of heroes vs. villains. Jim was simply a lowly earthworm until he happened upon a robotic spacesuit that gave him superhero-like powers. With it, he battled various silly scoundrels who each wished to take his spacesuit (and subsequently take over the world, of course), and the silliest of them all was Bob, the meanest goldfish of them all.

As Bob’s story went, he hailed from an aquatic planet called La Planeta de Agua (Arriba!). Unlike his uneducated brethren, Bob developed intelligence…with a villainous slant. But, being smarter than everyone else on La Planeta de Agua (Arriba!) proved to be something of a downer for Bob, as he could never quite amass a fish army capable of world domination. So, with his feline henchmen – his necessary mode of transport as Bob, smart as he was, couldn’t free himself from the confines of a goldfish bowl – he turned his sights on planet Earth’s latest and greatest hero, Earthworm Jim. Once he had Jim’s suit in all its mobile glory, Bob would be unstoppable! As well, he’d turn Jim into tasty worm soup, which, well…I guess is something only a fish would understand.

As Earthworm Jim has more than enough hilariously inept baddies from which to choose, why single out Bob?  The answer is simple. Without (or even with) his henchman, Bob is a goldfish. A goldfish with a big mouth and deadly intentions, sure, but that’s it. He can’t actually fight or hold a laser pistol or push a big red button to drop a hundred chickens on Jim (huh?). He’s. Just. A. GOLDFISH. And how might one defeat a lethal, loudmouth fish? By casting it out of its watery haven and onto to the floor! Which is exactly (spoilers?) how Jim defeats Bob in the first Earthworm Jim game. Never has there been a more dramatic moment in all of gaming history ever.

video from YouTube user JohnnyDFox.

Despite such mockery, Bob survives the ordeal to take on Jim again Earthworm Jim 2.  The stakes are even higher, and Bob actually promises to put up a real fight this time! And, well…he does in a manner of speaking, until Jim picks him up by the tail and then…eats him. That’s turning the tables, for sure.

Absurdity abounds when it comes to Earthworm Jim, but nothing quite compares to a “killer” goldfish that can do anything but. To call Bob a “silly scoundrel” is almost an understatement, because in a world lovingly filled with the most draft group of criminal minds ever conceived, not a single one is quite as ridiculous as Bob…the Killer Goldfish.

One Comment

  1. cary says:

    Reblogged this on Recollections of Play and commented:

    More of Virtual Bastion’s #sillyscoundrels celebration incoming! As far as video games go, the Earthworm Jim series pretty much defines “silly,” so why not cover one of its hilariously goofy villains? Like Bob the Killer Goldfish, who’s so much more than a mere goldfish…in his own mind, that is.


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