Strictly speaking, I am the world’s worst authority when it comes to horror games. They tend to fall so far outside my comfort zone that, were it not for the internet, and magazines before it, I’d hardly know they exist. Well, all except for one game: Doom. That game…boy oh boy…that game was the first horror game I ever played, and it changed my perspective on gaming, literally. It was the first one of two early FPSs I’d ever played (the other being Wolfenstein 3D).  From the horror perspective, DOOM was more unsettling than outright scary, even though I can still hear all its demonic grunts, cackles, and gurgles when I close my eyes. It was a creepy game, for sure. Doom II kicked “creepy” up several notches. It border more on scary, what with its Revenants, Arachnotrons, Pain Elementals, Arch-viles. All pretty awful encounters, even to this day.

Then along comes Doom 3. It’s the scariest action horror game I’ve ever tried and never completed. Oh, I’ve tried so many times to get through it, and I wimp out no matter what.

My stint with action horror games, my Spooktober pick for scariest horror game subgenre, began and ended with the Doom trilogy, and it’s primarily because I lack the spine to take on Doom 3 that I’ve passed over anything and everything similar since. That goes for anything Resident Evil, Dead Space, Left 4 Dead, and so on.  And while I’m no fan of their terrifying enemies and sinister environments, two issues are truly what makes me set action horror games in the “not for me” category: timing and reflexes.

No, seriously. One only need watch me try to play fighting games and shooters to see that I have poor timing and bad reflexes in games. I have learned to deal with both over the years, and have come to terms with my own limitations and preferences. It’s why I love aim assist and targeting, and why I tend towards button mashing (which ultimately leads to me becoming a puddle on the floor) when things get tense. Try as I might, I’ve yet to overcome the weighty sense of fear over dying (in a game) due to my own foolishness. It’s like that old horror movie trope of the characters that trip, fall, and become mincemeat. With me and action horror games, all I see is myself tripping and falling over and over again; the futility is as unappealing as it is exhausting.

Adding to my overwhelming dread is my tendency to simply freeze. That’s what happens in Doom 3 – I get to a certain point and find myself simply to scared –knowing that “something” is going to get me, because I couldn’t react fast enough — to even move. It’s like feeling both helpless and hapless at the same time. Even just thinking about moments I’ve seen from various Resident Evil games conjures up this same awful sense.

Looking at my past with games, there’s a good argument to be made that I could work to overcome my avoidance of action horror games, because I have played, and enjoyed, games that fall somewhat, but not totally, into this subgenre. The Last of Us, Bloodborne, and BioShock all qualify in that regard. Some part of me thinks, to this day, that if I could just make things right with Doom 3, then I could move on and learn to accept action horror games in all their (occasional) brilliance. Well, I’m not holding out hope, but never say “never,” right?