Spiritfarer is a “cozy management game about dying” where you’ll be ferrying the spirits of the dead to the afterlife.  As such, I formed a very different sort of relationship to these characters than I would in a regular game, and on the most part, knowing that a character is soon to pass on helps to soften any negative feelings I might have had towards them (with the exception of a few) and deepens the bond I felt towards those I liked most.  And so I thought it would be fun to rank the spirits of Spiritfarer in order of most unpleasant to those who now share a special place in my heart.  Keep in mind that this post will contain spoilers and should only be read by those who have finished the game!

20: Bruce and Mickey – What’s that, I counted wrong?  Oh, no, I just couldn’t stand these guys, that’s all.  Now, Bruce is actually the creep, while Mickey is the big guy that Bruce carries around, so my disdain should largely be aimed at that tiny hummingbird, whom I could and should have just squished between my thumb and forefinger.  Then again, from what Bruce has told me about his brother, Mickey sounded like a pretty horrible person, as well.  This guy bullies the other spirits aboard the boat and cusses at me everytime I accidentally feed them the wrong meal or the same one twice, an issue that’s exacerbated by the fact that they’re the pickiest eaters on the boat.  I literally played this game feverishly for hours trying to get rid of them, nearly all enjoyment drained from the game until they were through the Everdoor and out of my life.  I think the worst part about them is I’ve had to deal with a long-term abusive relationship with someone who truly scared and intimidated me, with even innocent interactions feeling like walking on a minefield, never knowing which step would be safe and which one will blast you sky high.  Dealing with that angry, little hummingbird brought back some memories I’d rather keep buried.  Good riddance!

13: Giovanni – This strutting lion and Astrid’s husband is incredibly charming, but his flattery falls flat when you realize how fake he truly is.  This guy has had multiple affairs on his wife, and even after boarding our boat, he cheats one final time.  When Astrid finds out, he shows no repentance whatsoever and simply hangs out in the lounge until deciding a trip to the Everdoor is in order.  No apology to Astrid.  No admittance that he was wrong.  I’ve dealt with people like Giovanni in real life, and I see through his false facade!  Frankly, the person I mentioned earlier is basically a mix of Bruce and Giovanni, charming until you’ve either angered them or they’re simply in a mood to harm someone just for the fun of it.  That’s why these two have been placed on the bottom of this list.

12: Elena – Elena is a strict former teacher and is, surprisingly, even more difficult to please than Bruce and Mickey, who always hovered between mid to high-happiness despite their horrible attitude.  Elena gets very angry if you attempt to hug her, and she apparently hates having a decorated house.  When I built her cubicle, I had enough supplies to add 1 of the 3 improvements.  It was only after partially upgrading her home that I learned that she wants absolutely no improvements to her house whatsoever.  …And so I promptly gathered the remaining supplies and updated her house to the max just to tick her off!  Nevertheless, I bear no grudge against Elena.  She may be extremely cold and harsh, but I don’t believe she’s malicious, and she doesn’t scare me the way that Bruce did.  In fact, she reminds me of a former coworker that everyone feared.  On the rare occasions I had to deal with her, I just remained as polite and tolerant as I could manage, and over time, she began to warm up to me.

11: Jackie – Jackie is crude and has major attitude issues, giving me a rather bad first impression of this guy.  Over time, however, I grew just a bit fond of Jackie, as he kind of reminds me of a certain family member (not the aforementioned abuser), who is a very rough person, but has a softer side that shines through every now and then.  Jackie seems to be the same way, as he can be very angry, but at the same time, was the only one of the more unpleasant characters who showed remorse and apologized for his bad behavior.  Jackie eventually worked on his bad attitude and attempted to change and become a better person, which made me really appreciate him for his character growth.  I still don’t appreciate him mailing me a fart, though…

10: Alice – Alice was so sweet at first.  This hedgehog was usually such a kindly old lady who would cook us meals and allow me to dress up using the clothes in her wardrobe.  Unfortunately, a few mean comments that came completely out of nowhere soured my opinion of her just a bit.  I can forgive Alice because she is clearly old and confused, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be wary of her spikier side…

9: Daria – Daria is a bat suffering from chromesthesia, which means she can see sound as color.  As a result of her illness, she spent a long time in the Overbrook hospital, where it seems she was not treated well, particularly by Jackie, who should have never been left in charge of patients to begin with!  I felt sorry for Daria and her poor living conditions, though I’ll admit that I had a harder time connecting with her because she didn’t seem to have much of a personality and never lived on Stella’s boat, making it just a bit harder for me to bond with her than the other characters.

8: Summer – To be honest, I didn’t feel much towards Summer either way.  I liked her just fine, as she was never unkind to me.  But I’m unsure if her personality really stood out to me, either.  Summer only eats vegan food and once implored me to “think of the animals” when I attempted to feed her some of Alice’s rice pudding.  She also has a soft spot for sweets, and I enjoyed watching her play music to my plants.  Although I don’t feel like I got to know Summer as much as I would have liked, she was certainly a calming presence on the boat.

7: Beverly – This tiny owl is a bit like Alice, but with more personality and a love of spicy, exotic food.  She, too, has become forgetful with age, leading to some frustrating moments where she denies ever having told me to do something, but in general, I could accept her direct mannerisms and appreciate her lessons in saving money.  And I at least felt that when she made a rude comment, it wasn’t on purpose, but more out of obliviousness to others’ feelings.  My biggest issue with her was the sheer difficulty in finding her when she was out and about on my boat, as Beverly is so dang tiny!

6: Gustav – This art curator (not collector) is a bit snooty, but I don’t really mind someone who is direct, as long as they’re not rude.  Finally I found someone to eat all those clams I had been scraping off the side of my boat, and I enjoyed listening to him play his violin and appreciate all the times he tolerated my hugs.  He kind of made me think of Olaf, the snooty villager from my Animal Crossing: New Horizons island, who is both rather pretentious and interesting at the same time.

5: Gwen – Gwen is Stella’s best friend and the first spirit that will board your boat.  Although she’s a bit aloof, she just felt like a genuine sort of person, making her moments of warmth more real and helping me to not take the cold ones to heart.  She also had some pretty good lines, as well, “People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.”  Gwen was just a beautiful, if melancholy, soul, and I hope passing through the Everdoor has replaced her sadness with joy.

4: Astrid – I was a bit nervous this kitty would be snooty based on her appearance, but it turns out she’s just a kind and down-to-Earth sort of person, with a love for soup and plain foods.  I also feel I bonded with her more than many of the other characters, as I helped her to uncover the sad fact that her husband was still cheating on her.  I know what it’s like to deal with people who hurt you and don’t care, so I felt a special connection with her that I didn’t form with many of the others.

3: Stanley – Stanley’s a sweet boy who made me laugh, from locking himself in my guest room to wanting me to experiment with some of the equipment on my boat to see what would happen, leading both to some helpful discoveries and some failures.  He even draws you pictures (of characters he never met somehow…), jumps into your arms when you hug him, and follows you around when he’s especially happy.  I always made sure to have some good candy or breakfast items handy for him.  Last of all, his story is probably the saddest just because of how young he is and the hints that his mother wasn’t entirely kind to him…

2: Atul – This jolly frog and Stella’s uncle is easily the most likable character in the game, no surprise there.  This guy is never a jerk, very huggable, and plays a relaxing melody on his flute when he’s especially happy.  I also really appreciate the fact that he’s not a picky eater, even if he was very insistent for what had to be several in-game weeks that I feed him some fried chicken….

1: Buck – Buck is an unusual character because he’s the only one that’s a mythical creature, and since he had already been through the Everdoor, there’s no longer any need to take him there, making him a permanent part of the boat.  Which is fine by me, because he’s a delightful character with a love of fantasy and Dungeons & Dragons style role-playing games.  He spends most of his time in-character as either some sort of pirate or, more commonly, one of the characters in his fantasy game (I forget the details because I was getting exhausted by all the dialogue at this point in the game).  I think if I met Buck in real life, we’d have a lot of fun together!